In the complex world of human emotions, our self-esteem quietly shapes how we carry ourselves, interact with others, and navigate life. Though often subtle, the signs of self-esteem—whether low, healthy, inflated, or unstable—are always present if we know where to look.
Low self-esteem
Let’s start by exploring the signs of low self-esteem. At its core is the inner voice, or introject, that constantly whispers doubts and insecurities.
The physical signs are hard to miss: hunched shoulders, a quiet voice, and hesitant movements. The body itself seems to shrink, as if trying to disappear.
In behaviour, we see shyness, reluctance to share opinions, and a deep fear of standing out. Self-criticism is constant, and negative thoughts play on repeat: ‘I’ll never be good enough,’ ‘What’s the point?’, or ‘No one values what I have to say.’
In relationships, setting boundaries is tough. Saying ‘no’ feels impossible, and authority figures can be intimidating. The fear of rejection or failure keeps people stuck in self-doubt.
At the heart of it all is the damaging inner voice: ‘I’ll fail anyway,’ ‘Where am I even going?’, or ‘I’m not capable of anything.’ This cycle can trap people in a pattern of insecurity, holding them back from reaching their potential.
Healthy stable self-esteem
People with healthy self-esteem project confidence. Their tone is calm, their posture is open, and they move through the world with ease.
In behaviour, they express themselves freely, speak up without fear, and share their thoughts with assurance. They don’t shy away from emotions—crying and laughter are natural, not signs of weakness. Mistakes aren’t disasters; they’re learning opportunities. Instead of being their own worst critic, they’re their own best supporter.
In relationships, they set firm but fair boundaries. Saying ‘no’ doesn’t bring guilt. They accept others as they are, without trying to control or change them. Their interactions are based on mutual respect and understanding.
Deep down, their inner voice is kind and encouraging: ‘It’s okay, you’ll do better next time,’ ‘You’re learning,’ and ‘Things will work out.’ This self-support helps them navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience and optimism.
Inflated self-esteem
Some people display self-esteem in a way that’s more like a performance—bold, attention-seeking, and sometimes over the top. On the surface, they exude confidence, but it often masks insecurity underneath.
The signs are loud and clear: a booming voice, dramatic gestures, and a strong presence that demands attention.
In behaviour, perfectionism takes over. Mistakes and vulnerability feel like threats to their image, so they avoid them at all costs. They may put others down to lift themselves up, acting dismissive, sarcastic, or overly critical.
In relationships, they can be difficult to be around. Blaming others for their mistakes, avoiding responsibility, and manipulating situations to maintain control are common behaviours. They may insist they’re just ‘being honest,’ but in reality, they use bluntness to mask their own fears.
Beneath it all, their inner voice is defensive: ‘It’s not my fault,’ ‘They don’t understand my level,’ or ‘I’m better than them.’ While this inflated self-esteem may look strong from the outside, it often hides a fragile sense of self-worth.
Unstable self-esteem
Some people swing between confidence and doubt, depending on the situation. One day, they feel on top of the world; the next, a single criticism brings them crashing down.
The signs change depending on who they’re with. When praised, they stand tall, speak with confidence, and believe in themselves. When criticised, they shrink, second-guess everything, and lose faith in their abilities.
Their behaviour shifts as well. In some settings, they are assertive and sure of themselves. In others, they struggle to say ‘no’ or fear speaking up.
In relationships, their interactions depend on who they’re around. With some, they are secure and self-assured. With others, they become unsure, adjusting their personality to fit expectations.
Their inner voice echoes the same doubts as low self-esteem, but only under certain conditions. A bad day, a harsh comment, a life change—any of these can tip the balance, making them question themselves again.
Understanding self-esteem
Self-esteem isn’t fixed—it changes with life experiences, personal growth, and the way we talk to ourselves. By recognising these patterns, we can work towards building a healthier sense of self, fostering confidence, and learning to navigate life’s challenges with resilience.